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Sexual Hypnosis: My Hypnotherapist Found My Orgasm

Constantly on the lookout for new ways to improve my life, especially natural non-pharmaceutical options. Recently cured my Long Covid.

‘The O Project’ by photographer Marcus Alberti captures women’s expressions before, during and after an orgasm.

‘The O Project’ by photographer Marcus Alberti captures women’s expressions before, during and after an orgasm.

I didn't go to Hypnotherapy for Sexual Hypnosis

It's not often in this crazy, messed-up life that something transformational happens. Most of the time we meander through, re-enacting each day just like the one before and accepting our limitations as permanent. True change happens either because it's forced, or because you force it. Mental Inertia is always there to reestablish the status quo. This is how I lived, right up until recently.

The last few years have been pretty awful for everyone. Covid, the lockdowns, the recession, the way people have begun to isolate themselves from each other - it's all had an impact on our quality of life. At the end of 2021, I decided that it was time to force a change in my life for the better.

My issues stemmed from childhood events that were creating a debilitating waterfall of anxiety, depression and unhelpful behaviours. So I contacted a few hypnotherapists to see whether these problems could be remedied. Little did I know that the one I chose would be so life-changing.

What Is Female Sexual Dysfunction or Anorgasmia?

According to the Mayo Clinic, Anorgasmia can be defined as "delayed, infrequent or absent orgasms–or significantly less-intense orgasms–after sexual arousal and adequate sexual stimulation... Multiple factors may lead to anorgasmia. These include relationship or intimacy issues, cultural factors, physical or medical conditions, and medications."

The inability to orgasm can be lifelong (as in my case), episodic or come on suddenly due to a change in circumstances. Any or all of the below may cause FSD, temporarily, or permanently if you don't take action to address it:

  • Past sexual or emotional abuse
  • Poor body image, low self-esteem, lack of confidence
  • Guilty feelings about sex
  • Stressors, such as financial problems or the loss of a loved one
  • Mental health conditions, such as anxiety or depression
  • A lack of knowledge/curiosity about your own body and the techniques you can use to achieve orgasm.

We Didn't Talk About My Lack of Orgasm at First

Let's be clear. I didn't sign up for Hypnotherapy to reclaim my orgasm, nor was it even on my radar as something that could be fixed. I just blindly accepted that I'd never really enjoy sex as much as other people.

But I did enjoy the intimacy and excitement of being so close to my partner and I wasn't completely without sensation. But no "Big O" for me when there was someone else in the room.

Our initial consultation on Zoom highlighted a need to deal with three major areas. The anxiety which was left over from my marriage breakdown and the ongoing struggles of co-parenting with a narcissist, a niggling feeling that something very bad had happened to me in childhood and crippling imposter syndrome in my business. He chuckled when I asked him if this was too much for Hypnotherapy to deal with–at the time I found his confidence reassuring, but I was still very much on the fence. We booked three online sessions via Zoom, with the proviso that we may need further sessions–that was understandable since I was coming in with a wide range of issues.

Paul, my new Hypnotherapist, told me that even though my problems seemed unrelated, it is possible that unrooting one may unseat one of the others... or we may need to work on all three separately. All would become clear as we progress through the work.

There Was More Talking Than I Expected

I've been to Hypnotherapists in the past and this was a completely different experience. My former therapist had dropped me into a trance and talked to me - planting suggestions into my unconscious mind. I gave up smoking, so it was effective, but I fell back into it a year or so later. Paul is a practitioner of Advanced Conversational Hypnotherapy, which bucks against the former practice of reading scripts, in favour of having a conversation with you whilst in trance and using your responses to hone in on the root cause.

He dealt swiftly with my imposter syndrome in only one session... the issues simply melted away. I was left with a feeling of absolute confidence in my business and ability to be successful. We moved on to my divorce and co-parenting in the second session and the results were the same. His style changed slightly here whilst talking about my ex-husband, he coached me into reframing the situation and my feelings about co-parenting.

The final session was a deep, dark dive into my childhood... and the memories that I had repressed. This was by far the hardest session, but he kept me safe whilst I unwrapped the truth and I'm very grateful for that.

Over the week that followed, in addition to remembering what happened, a dark cloud that was covering my whole childhood lifted and I started to remember all the good things that had happened during that time. I let go of the blame and anxiety that surrounded it and I felt calmer and more in control than I had ever been. I called him to tell him how successful the last session had been and he was delighted.

Then Paul asked me if the events of my childhood were affecting my marriage in any way. Naively I didn't realise immediately what he was asking, and replied that my partner was very understanding and caring and I got a lot of support in my relationship. Then he asked the game-changing question.

"Do you really enjoy the physical part of your relationship?"

I was floored by that question. Not because it was too personal, after all–the sessions so far had been amazing and in this short time, I'd grown to trust and respect him quicker than anyone I'd ever met before. The question was asked kindly and - if it weren't for the subject matter–I'd have pigeon-holed the question as almost fatherly. He wanted the best for me.

Feeling slightly embarrassed, I explained that I'd never had an orgasm with any partner, including my current one. Then I started blaming myself and making excuses that there must be something wrong with me... he cut me off mid-womansplaining and asked if I'd ever seen my doctor about it. I had, a long time ago and they couldn't explain it. Paul said that if the doctor had excluded physical causes then there was unlikely to be anything wrong with me and that I could have an orgasm with my partner if I wanted help with that.

I fell silent for what felt like an eternity. Could I have been wrong about this the whole time? Could I be capable of a fully satisfying sexual relationship with my partner? Did I want this? (Hell, Yes!)

I had a lot of questions, which he answered with patience and understanding. He's always said that there's no such thing as a silly question.

  1. Would I have to have to touch myself during the call? I didn't want that because it would feel like cheating on my partner.

    The answer was no, nothing like that at all... ever.
  2. Would there be any explicit talk?

    He said that we would talk openly about sex, however, it would be professional and any visualisations would be self-guided.
  3. Will I have an orgasm during the session?

    "Yes, several", he said, without missing a beat. "The objective is to teach you how to intensify those sensations and anchor your ability to do so. It's about giving you the power to control your own orgasms."
  4. What if I'm not comfortable with that?

    Paul told me that occasionally he has clients who would prefer not to. In that case, he'd follow the same process but stop the intensification just before that happens, then set up the anchor to take her the rest of the way later.
  5. So it's possible to Hypnotise someone into having a hands-free orgasm?

    He chuckled again... "yes, of course," he said. "However this isn't what we're doing here, we're going to address the root cause of your inability to orgasm and help you use the power of your mind to achieve orgasm whenever, and with whoever, you want."

I was intrigued. I trusted him, and the sessions were over Zoom so there was no harm in it. But I decided to discuss it with my partner later that evening.

"We're going to address the root cause of your inability to orgasm and help you use the power of your mind to achieve orgasm whenever, and with whoever, you want."

— Paul Wilson, Ahappyhead.co.uk

My partner's discussion with Paul helped establish expectations

My partner's discussion with Paul helped establish expectations

The Elephant in the Bedroom

The conversation with my partner was tricky. Not only because I was proposing that we pay another man to talk to me about sex, but also because, although we'd discussed my anorgasmia before, it was something that sat quietly in the background of our relationship... kinda like the elephant in the bedroom.

My partner had more questions about sexual hypnosis, so I suggested that calling Paul to discuss it might alleviate his concerns. From the side of the conversation I could hear, it opened badly with suspicion and a little territory guarding, then he disappeared into the other room and came back smiling. To this day, I don't know what Paul said to him, but it worked and I booked and paid for the session that would change our lives forever.

The Grand Finale

During the session, Paul brought me down into a deep hypnotic state and taught me how to listen to my own body and intensify the sensations which lead to orgasm. He planted an anchor word that would trigger those sensations that my partner could use to set me in motion.

How are things now? My partner & I are having the best sex either of us have ever had. He was nervous using the anchor at first, and a few times I've just silently used it myself to push me over the edge... but now he loves it. It's our little secret and sometimes he uses that word outside the bedroom to hint that we could be having a rendezvous later and my insides go all funny in anticipation!

Don't live with anorgasmia... you haven't lived until you're rid of it. Sexual Hypnosis might be the answer you didn't know you were looking for.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

© 2022 Rachel Roodhardt