How to Discover and Build the Primal Self

Updated on January 6, 2018
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Madison is the author of "How to be a Superior Man," "Masterclass Seduction," "The Proclamation of the Demon in I," and "Eye of the Snake"

The Lies We Live

We allow turmoil to control us simply because we let others tell us deceiving things about ourselves, thereby getting us to believe the lies.
We allow turmoil to control us simply because we let others tell us deceiving things about ourselves, thereby getting us to believe the lies.

I literally spent most of my childhood and young adult life believing there was something wrong with me because other people constantly told me there was. As I became older, I often felt slightly deceived by my younger self because I’d allowed such lies to be planted in my mind. Most of us tend to let these types of lies rule our lives and never seem to be able to let things go. Some words can hurt us so badly; they can become imprinted into our minds like graffiti on a wall so that we can read them every day and never experience peace from them; they rip a great big hole in us.

We allow turmoil to control us simply because we let others tell us deceiving things about ourselves, thereby getting us to believe the lies. Like spreadable margarine! This so-called spreadable stuff still tears bread to shreds, yet I believed the writing on the package . . . this is probably why I have trust issues, too.

I spent my life fighting the so-called demon that was inside me. Then I realized that those who made me feel like there was something wrong with me were actually the so-called demon. It was only when I began to understand this that I started to see that the only sensible way anyone could possibly live in a world like this was to live without being conditioned by anyone or anything.

The Wolf-Like Mind

By learning to live with this type of mindset, I noticed people stopped calling me the spawn of the devil or referring to the fact that I might be an evil, little demon. Instead, they began to call me crazy. That was okay with me because the way I saw things, being called or considered “crazy” by those who were heavily conditioned by their culture and the society was a compliment. They called me crazy because they were not sure what I was truly capable of doing and that scared them . . . they could no longer control me.

The mindset I grew was one that became similar to a wolf-like mind, I became primal. No that doesn’t mean I lived in a cave, wore only a leopard skin pair of budgie smugglers (or worse, a pair on my head), eating raw meat and screaming like a psychotic weirdo as I swung through the trees . . . although I have been known to wake up naked in a tree after spending the night drinking heavily and talking to owls, that’s my little psychotic privilege, and you’ll do well to mind our own damn business about what I get up to when I’m alone.

So no, attaining a primal mindset doesn’t mean I am a cave-dwelling recluse, it simply means that no matter how hard I try, I really cannot picture myself giving a damn anymore. Shall I explain? Okay, sit back and get comfortable.

I noticed people stopped calling me the spawn of the devil or referring to the fact that I might be an evil little demon. Instead, they began to call me crazy...

— Cage J Madison

The Circus That Changed It All

Success motivators, life coaches are always telling us that we need “to be lions among sheep” to succeed in life. But to me, lions and tigers perform in circuses...
Success motivators, life coaches are always telling us that we need “to be lions among sheep” to succeed in life. But to me, lions and tigers perform in circuses...

A few years ago, I was given tickets to a circus. Now being a big kid at heart, I was actually excited by the prospect of seeing lions and tigers. I was disappointed, to say the least. This circus had featured farm animals: pigs, sheep, and cows, even ducks jumping through hoops! Ducks. It’s safe to conclude I didn’t stay very long and walked out utterly disgusted by what I’d just witnessed. The best thing to come out of that extremely mind-numbing experience, I thought, was that I hadn’t forked out the cash for the ticket.

Anyway, on my drive home, I asked myself how I would’ve felt if I had seen lions or tigers performing, completing acts like jumping through a ring set ablaze or roaring on the command of the ring master’s whip. Would this have made me pleased or even more disgusted than I already was? I knew deep inside that I would’ve possibly been depressed to see such a thing, but why was this?

Success motivators, those pimple-faced sweaty little life coaches are always telling us that we need “to be lions among sheep” to succeed in life. To me, lions and tigers perform in circuses, and was this really how I wanted to be perceived in the world? Lions and tigers conform to the ring master’s every whim; they perform to the cheers and laughter of the audience, and so I decided on the drive home that day that no, this was not how I wanted to be perceived. I knew I was more than that, I was primal . . . a wolf.

In his book, The Philosopher and the Wolf, Mark Rowlands tells his life story about living with a wolf. Although there was so much I took away after reading that book, one thing that really stuck out to me was the fact that the wolf, Brenin, was more than just Rowlands pet—he was his companion. It got me thinking that even though Rowlands tamed this wolf, Brenin still maintained his individuality as a wolf, meaning he still did what he wanted, when he wanted and simply didn’t care. If eating an air-conditioning unit doesn’t display the old don’t-give-a-damn attitude, I don’t know what does.

You see, unlike the lion or the tiger, a wolf doesn’t belong to a circus, and this is how I wanted to live my life. I wanted to become like the wolf, I wanted to become primal and break away from societal influences and conditioning. I refused to simply give a damn like Brenin in the book. I wasn’t going to munch down on an air-conditioning unit, but I wasn’t going to allow others to dictate how I should be, or how I should act either. I refused to let anyone tell me how I should live my life that day after the circus.

I wasn’t going to let to the ringmasters’ of the society, those who tried to stand over me control me. I was no longer going to jump through rings for an idiotic audience within the society who were simply looking for some meaningless entertainment to bring some type of excitement into their boring everyday lives. I refused to conform.

I became primal within mind, body and soul. I began to understand that I was not here looking for validation or searching for the golden key of life. I was not looking for anything logical like love or money or happiness granted sparingly by another in this world.

I became primal, and if I wanted love, I would find it; if I wanted money, I would make it; if I wanted happiness, I would achieve it. By learning to think this way, I began to display to others that I could not be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Secretly, I think I wished people would try to control me; I’m pretty sure I would have begged anyone please do try if the opportunity had ever presented itself. But if they had dared I know they would have ended up watching me laugh as their world burned.

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Being Yourself

The world is full of the ugliness of jealousy…we are all envious of each other.
The world is full of the ugliness of jealousy…we are all envious of each other.

Now, you might be thinking that displaying this type of attitude to others could possibly lead to them being even nastier and judgmental towards me. Well, it was a risk I was willing to take I suppose, and yes some people did react like this. By that time, my mindset had developed into something stronger than I’d ever experienced in my life. I realised that the people who did still judge me or class me as an outcast did so simply because they saw in me what they wanted to be but didn’t have the courage to create within themselves.

The world is full of the ugliness of jealousy . . . we are all envious of each other. It’s a circle of envy—you envy one who is envious of another—and so it continues. Because of this envious attitude, we secretly wish we were someone else, and because we know we can’t be that person, we become jealous and envious of that person; we grow to hate them and begin to judge them.

I’m sure you’ve already heard what I’m about to say: Everything that occurs in your life occurs for a reason. With some of these happenings in life, one thing tends to lead to another. When this happens, what some people do is run away. They cower in the corner, and, often, begin complaining how life isn’t fair. Or, they say, "I wish I were someone else."

Look, I get it, occasionally, we find ourselves with all those doubting questions, all those distressing dreads, and all those weak insecurities working hard to wrap us up in a cotton ball and store us away in a dark cupboard somewhere so the world can’t hurt us . . . and it is this inner plague that makes us suddenly crack. Either we think or say out loud, "I wish I were someone else."

Let me ask you this straight up: Why would you want to be anyone else?

You were born you, and you are great! You have gifts and talents that don’t get used, but if you’d just use them, you’d suddenly realise just how pathetic wishing you were someone else really is.

So, why do we wish we were someone else occasionally? Well, more frequently than not, we tend to think and trust that someone, or rather, most others are better than us. But in actual fact, when we get down to the raw bone of the matter, many of those people we think are better than us are actually more frightened than us.

Why would you want to be anyone but who you already are? It doesn’t make sense, but I guess it boils down to the curiosity of being human. You see we all look at other people and we envy them for what they have or how they look. These other people may look unspeakably perfect or beautiful; they may drive an amazing car or have a successful business. We look at them, and we wish we could trade places with them. We say ‘I wish I could be them,’ without realising that while we may be thinking this about them, they may be considering us and what we have and wishing the same thing.

As I said, the world is basically a circle of envy—we are envious of other people who are envious of us. Why is it like this? Well, I could get all deep and philosophical with my answer here, but in all honesty, no matter how intellectual you want to get, it all boils down to desperation. And not just the normal desperation, this type of desperation can be referred to as a silent desperation that envelops all of us. You see, we are so desperate to be someone else that we don’t realise deep inside we are “silently” suffering from low self-respect, a lack of confidence. Because of this silent suffering, over time, we begin to lose all hope in everything, including our birth given right to grow and to improve ourselves.

All of us are always wishing we had better things in life: wished we looked more appealing to the opposite sex, wished our body parts worked as well as the guy running 10 miles every day, and so on and so forth. We have to understand that nobody is perfect no matter what. Honestly, who would want to be perfect? That would just make everything so boring! Life needs not to be perfect for any of us to be happy with who we are.

The definition of primal is something primitive, primary or fundamental. An example of something that would be described as primal is a mother's protective instincts towards her children.

Building the Primal Instinct

For me, the thought of watching a lion perform and conform as a means of entertainment was like a knife that cut deeply into my soul – tearing the very essence of who I was or what my life was all about
For me, the thought of watching a lion perform and conform as a means of entertainment was like a knife that cut deeply into my soul – tearing the very essence of who I was or what my life was all about

For most people, the thought of breaking away from the conformities of society can be a hard thing to master. For me, the thought of watching a lion perform and conform as a means of entertainment was like a knife that cut deeply into my soul, tearing the very essence of who I was or what my life was all about.

It’s in no way an easy thing for one to become “undomesticated” or to break away from the society. It’s tough to try to figure out how you might actually connect with your inner primal self and become uniqueness in the modern world. The map leading to the road of individualism has simply disappeared in the 21st century, leaving most people not quite knowing what it means to be them anymore.

There is no clear guidance for people who wish to attain freedom from the conformity of society, so most simply stumble about the world trying to find their place to “fit in”. In a way, they become desperate to try to prove themselves to others, but truthfully they are unsure of how to do that without conforming to societal ways.

To be free, to step into your primal way of life is something that doesn’t just happen. It is a mindset switch that must be learned, earned and then re-learned and re-earned within you. The mindset is, in all honesty, the ability to be independent of the ways of society. One simply does not achieve this by becoming of age but rather by reaching a certain state of mind. In all essence, it is humanity’s natural ability to learn in life and their undeniable need to be independent of society and others.

Becoming primal stands for something and requires us to live a life based on principles. For me to master this way of living, I had to spend a great deal of time learning who I was as an individual. I had to take the time to create myself, and figure out what I truly believed in. To me, life, in all essence, is not about only finding oneself; it is about creating the self.

As a person with the primal way of living and thinking, I’ve discovered that I maintain the strong character of being “a loner” and this is fine with me. This means that it’s my values and principles that are the constant companions throughout my life, which means I had to choose these principles and values wisely before I stepped away from the circling flock.

As someone who has the primal mindset and sets himself apart from certain societal influences, I find that I also have a strong dislike towards arrogant people. The freedom I experience within retains a quiet confidence, yet I am modest at the same time. I do not purposely put others down and don’t tolerate anyone doing that to others. You have to be respectful of everyone else. When you have this mindset, you have to understand that others have differences. By doing this, although you display to the world that you’re not the type they should mess with, you also display that you have a deep value for yourself but, you don’t feel the need to make a spectacle of it.

This switch of your mind represents independence within yourself and to the world. You are not a careless or slothful human being; instead, you have good habits formed within you. You are fully capable of taking care of yourself.

It is true to a certain point that people should accept and love their bodies, even with its flaws, and that the media portrays unrealistic bodies. But when you view yourself as being primal and separate from others, you never allow this to become an excuse to treat your body with disrespect or to allow yourself to get out of shape.

It is physical know-how which connects you to this primal nature – fitness builds discipline, determination and confidence, and these are the key traits of the primitive mindset.

I am not a dreamer, I am not just a big talker—I get things done. I maintain the discipline and motivation to turn ideas into reality because I am in touch with freedom and understand that the world doesn’t owe me a thing.

You build a strong solitary character as a primal being, which means you begin to understand that you must hustle to get by in the world. You cannot simply sit vainly by and watch the world pass. You cannot simply complain about how the world is cruel, and things are tough. You can no longer be a victim because the switch you’ve created inside yourself just won’t allow you to think this way anymore. You become a victor, you win at any cost . . . and you get things done.

Becoming primal means that you understand the importance of being persistent; you comprehend and appreciate that life will hit you hard because it owes you nothing. Most people need others to support them through life’s hard knocks; a primal individual takes on life headfirst and survives. Yes, there will be times of struggle; you will feel incapable and perhaps even hopeless. But with a primal mindset, you will be able to take the hits, stand back up and keep moving forward.

The person with this type of mindset perfectly harmonized within him or herself is the person who not only has the quality of getting up from the canvas but also has an advantage over many others around them. For when this person stands up, they look life squarely in the face and say: "Is that all you got? Are you sure?"

Small Minds, Big Spirit

The modern world does not prepare any of us for its hard knocks when we leave the nest of our parents; that is up to you to learn this. Essentially, society will let all of us down, but it doesn’t mean you have to be one of those who prefer to remain on the canvas and complain how hard life is treating you. It means you don’t need to have excuses anymore. You take action because you don’t know any other way. You figure out who you want to be, understand the principles you wish to live by and the traits you want to attain. No one else will do this for you, you need to take charge of your life, and that’s when you begin developing into something primal.

It is not an easy thing to achieve; it is at times very scary. I am constantly mocked because of the way I choose to live my life. I know I’m hated by others because I’m constantly misunderstood. But all that is okay with me because I’m aware that small minds can never comprehend a big spirit.

I choose to live this way, to live separately from as many societal influences as I can because it is my individuality. But, as I said, some people still judge me and hate me for the choices I have made. Why? Well, believe it or not, some people are just terrible human beings . . . and terrible people do terrible things.

© 2017 Cage J Madison

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