Skip to main content

I Am a Loner: The Happy Loner Personality

I love writing about relationships and helping my readers navigate all their ups and downs.

Like a solitary rose, I am a loner.

Like a solitary rose, I am a loner.

I Am a Loner

I am a loner. And despite how others have treated me throughout my life, I am happy. Why? Because I am not like them. Loners are individuals. They are true to themselves. So why are people loners anyway? And how do you develop a happy loner personality?

Why Are Some People Loners?

Here are four common reasons people become loners.

  • Bad experiences with people. If you have been repeatedly been taken advantage of, stolen from, attacked, abused, humiliated, manipulated, lied to, or had your heart or spirit broken too many times to count, you might clam yourself up and become solitary. If the experience of being with others brings stress and unhappiness, you will learn to keep your distance from people.
  • Naturally shy. People who are naturally shy or considered "overly nice" often find themselves bullied because they are thought to be weak. In reality, they are simply good people who have no desire to hurt others. If you want to know why are people loners, this is often the biggest reason. A pattern of bullying often repeats itself throughout a person's life. The bullied person decides that being away from people is more peaceful.
  • High level of intelligence. People who have a very high level of intelligence sometimes find their peers of average intelligence to be less than stimulating. This person may not wish to spend time with others because he or she feels their everyday pursuits are uninteresting.
  • Unique individuals. People who have different ways of dressing, expressing themselves, or who have unusual pursuits are sometimes ostracized for being different. While some people will change to suit group standards, people who simply want to enjoy their lives and be themselves may shun groups of peers and group settings.

Choosing to Be Alone Is a Coping Mechanism at First

At first, being a loner is often the result of negative experiences. And solitude at the outset is a coping mechanism. While some may choose alcohol, struggle to belong, or become vicious people in order to "survive" socially, the loner chooses to remove themself from the negative stimuli so they can feel comfortable and at rest.

The Loner Often Blossoms Away from the Negative Stimuli

People who are allowed to be themselves and be comfortable with who they are outside of social groups often have amazing life experiences that shape their lives and contribute to their overall happiness. The loner personality may even go further in life than people who are social butterflies or have a large group of friends. This is because social butterflies usually do not develop and change throughout life at the rate of the loner. More on this below.

Since I am a loner myself, I have come to enjoy reading and watching movies about other loners. One great movie that comes to mind is The Station Agent. In this film, a little person named Finn inherits a small train station outpost in the middle of nowhere. Feeling no bonds with other human beings, he decides to live in the building to have complete solitude. Finn runs into some misadventures and makes some friends along the way.

Huguette Clark

A great loner to read about is Huguette Clark. Ms. Clark lived and died extremely wealthy, at 104 years old, and lived most of her life with little contact with other people.

She owned mansions and antiques, and lived in a world she completely chose for herself. A lot of people, upon reading her story, say they feel sorry for Ms. Clark because she was a loner. They assume her life was boring. But as most loners know, peace and happiness come when one is away from the madness, not entrenched inside it.

How Do You Develop a Happy Loner Personality?

Although many loners are happy because they find solace in solitude, others need to proactively find ways to put themselves in a good mood. Here is how to bring joy into your life and maintain it:

  • Leave the oppressive environment that gives you your heartache. While this isn't always possible at first, eventually people graduate from school or switch schools or jobs. No one is intended to stay in the exact same place forever.
  • Move to a new location. If you have been treated particularly badly by a group of people, there is no need to live around them for the rest of your life. You don't need your identity wrapped up in a painful history. Leave for better pastures. Become a new you, free of the chains of your past. Break off communication with any person who will communicate with people that ostracized you from your old town.
  • Travel. This is perhaps the number one way to develop a strong sense of self and develop your own fulfilling identity. Traveling allows you to get far away from any problems or worries that burden you. Seeing new people, places, and environments brings a new light to your life and positive memories that will last a lifetime. Imagine the enriching experiences of visiting countries like France and Spain. And I bet people who bullied you will most likely never spread their wings this way.
  • Delve into a hobby that isn't associated with a group activity. Whether it is painting, cooking, gardening, building furniture, etc. This will help you develop a strong inner life full of positive feelings of accomplishment.
  • Focus on making money for your future. Maybe social situations have let you down in life, but financial security will give you something to feel safe about. It will provide you with freedoms that being poor will not allow.

Being a Loner Does Not Mean You Won't Have Friends or Loved Ones

  • As you switch environments, move to a new location, or travel, you will meet people along the way, some who will become your friends. Loners often develop strong one-on-one relationships that are forged with respect and common interests. Loners are also very loyal people.
  • I am a loner but happily married. You will most likely find your life partner when you least expect it. This is how it happens for most people. All the online dating in the world might not bring you your mate, but chance and circumstance will. You might find yourself a partner who is a loner as well.
  • As you wish, you can try joining groups or organizations that are rooted in hobbies, religious beliefs, etc. You don't have to socialize in a group, but you can naturally find friends being side-by-side with them in these environments.
  • If anyone you meet becomes hurtful to you, don't feel you need to keep them in your life. Always cut negative ties when you can.

The Loner Blossoms over His or Her Lifetime

Being a loner gives you the opportunity to explore life the way YOU see fit. You aren't limited to the social constructs of a narrow-minded group of people. You will go further, see more, and experience more because you wish to find your own happiness rather than put importance and energy into an irrelevant group of people. The loner personality is meant to be happy and fulfilled on his or her own terms.