Engelta loves to talk and study in depth the self-esteem issues, as well as how to improve and cherish relationships.
Life would be a lot easier if you could discover the equation to happiness. According to a recent study by a psychologist Barbara Frederickson, the equation of happiness lies in the ratio 3:1. In her own words this means that if you think one negative thing about yourself or life in general, you have to think of 3 positive things, so you can turn it all into a positive bright moment, because happiness does not mean the absence of sadness. But, she and other researchers who did the study with her, say that in relationships, it works in other ratio of 5:1. This means that you have to literally feel 5 positive thoughts for each negative thought, in order to be happy in your relationship. Most people go for a lower ratio of this emotions, and most of them are prone to divorce, or been unhappy.
This ratios, sometimes, may seem unachievable, and maybe other times when you really feel blue, it is harder to focus on the positive things, but you should really try, in order to achieve true happiness.
Some of you may think that achieving a certain goal on which you have put a lot of effort and energy, may not bring happiness in the end. This comes as a result of focusing so much in one thing, that often you feel depressed of all the rejections or disappointments you may get. So it is far better to focus on what you have in the moment and see the bright side of it.
Scientists have found that by doing simple everyday tricks you may change the way you think and feel. They say that a little trick you can do everyday to achieve happiness, it is changing the way you walk! If you focus on the way you take your steps, and walking like a happy person, you will feel a kind of happiness. Think of Leo di Caprio famous happy - jumping - walk, and maybe it will do the trick for you too. It is that kind of walk that makes you feel like the sun shines brighter, and you have accomplished something already. The key to happiness lies in your mind, so it is your choice to smile or get angry. It is always best to keep your key on your hands and choose for yourself how you will live your days.
Science has come to help you in matter of happiness by creating some simple questions for you to answer.
- How can you workout more? - Working out is another great way of finding the perfect balance between your mind, body, and soul. Exercise gives you endorphines, and endorphines make you happy, and happy people don't kill their husbands, they just don't. However working out needs a lot of self control, so if it makes you feel sad sometimes because you may spend more time getting yourself into the mood for working out, instead of just doing it, then the little tricks may work better for you. Do not try to pressure yourself into anything you don't feel like doing.
- Who do you care about? - Sometimes we get so focused on our jobs and money making process, that we forget to spend some value time on the relationships we have created and on the people we love. Try to create a circle of people you not only love, but the ones who give you joy. Try to cut the ties with the ones who are negative persons, and tend to bring you down. You do not need them, you do need the ones that will give you wings.
- Do you want to be right or happy? - When confronting others, or when you have a debate you tend to want to be right, or do you tend to just be happy of the momentum you are sharing with them? If the second one is your choice, then you have found your own way to be happy. If it is more important for you to be right, then bad news for you! You should think about your relationships, pride won't last long. It is more important to you the fact you are debating for, or your relationship?
- Do you have a positive impact on others? - If you show you happy self, if you have nice conversations, if you do nice things for others, you will feel happy too. This is a fact. Try to make a nice gesture, or a simple heartfelt comment will make the other person feel good about himself, and you will feel good about yourself too. Be someone's sunshine when their sky is gray. And you will get great feedbacks!
- Are you motivated by fear or passion? - Fear makes you judgmental, but passion makes you more optimist. Choose your thing.
- Do you incorporate quality time? - Have a cup of coffee alone in the morning, read a magazine you love, stop checking the instagram or facebook and hating on other people perfect life. Their life isn't perfect, it is just like yours, they just fake it better. One girl, once faked a whole summer abroad, traveling, just by sharing good photo-shopped photos on facebook in the comfort of her own home without leaving her room ever. Make some time for yourself, a good massage, or meditation, or SPA session. Show love to yourself.
- To what are you paying more attention? - To your past or to your present? We tend to see the past better than it really was, and our present worse than it really is. Shake those thoughts and memories of nostalgia that come in waves just because you spend so much time rehearsing them, and focus on your present.
Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.
Happiness lies in the small moments, like when you are hitting the roads alone at 5 am and you witness the sunrise, or when you are resting at the beach, waves hitting the shore, a wine glass in your hand and the sunset fills your thoughts with the glory of heaven colors.
Happiness is a warm cup of coffee and a good conversation. Happiness is when you enjoy spending time with yourself, and you realize in those lonely hours that you truly are your best entertainment. Happiness is when you bake the perfect cake and enjoy it while reading a good old book.
Happiness is when you make someone laugh until their stomach hurts and they can’t keep their face straight. Happiness is when you reach that life goal you have been working so hard for.
Happiness is when you applause yourself for that yoga pose, you thought you couldn't do, or when you finish that marathon without passing out. Happiness is when you are cheered and appreciated.
Happiness is when you bake the perfect cake and enjoy it while reading a good old book.
Happiness is hidden in the simple life moments and it blooms just like that first flower of spring, time after time, just when you thought darkness would consume you, but you suddenly realize life is so beautiful!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: How to help unhappy people?
Answer: Well, it depends what causes their un-happiness. The answer will be "everything", but if you insist, you will get to the root of the problem, the real reason "a lover left them", "a crush chose someone else", or "they can't get in a relationship at all, or hold a relationship together", "want to start a family", "boy/girl is a cheater", "business is not doing good", "don't have any real good friends", "job doesn't pay enough, stresses him/her too much, or doesn't have a job at all"... after you identify the problem, you can figure out ways to help, little by little, because it's not like you can turn it off and on.
© 2015 Ensorcelie
Yanglish on November 19, 2015: