The Light That Is Our Awareness
Do you ever feel like something is watching you? Do you ever feel like someone is following you or that something is just not right? Odds are you have. My aim is not to explain what that experience was, but to help you explore those experiences with a firm hold on reality.
This is when awareness comes into intense and serious play in our lives.
I am 22-year-old young man who has explored realms of consciousness through entheogens and through energetic practices. Reiki, Qi Gong, and meditations have helped me bring spiritual and metaphysical experiences into my "sober states," and if there is anything I can say about my experiences, I must say this:
Without a complete awareness of one's body and mind, fear of the unknown can lead to states of insanity.
Partial Awareness vs. Complete Awareness
We all have experienced different levels of awareness. Here, I want to dissect and question what this means. How aware can a person be? What does awareness have to do with people's decisions? Can people be half-aware?
Firstly, I don't have the answers. Personally, I don't think we need an answer to these questions. Instead, I am going to give a framework where these questions can be explored. Enter complete awareness.
Complete awareness is when you fully grasp an experience with multiple forms of sensation.
Take the example of going on a roller coaster. You know that you're going on a roller coaster (awareness of situation). You may be nervous (emotional awareness). Heart beat is raising (physical awareness). You don't want to show your friends how scared you are (social awareness). This situation engages intense states of awareness, where you need to be aware what is going inside of you and outside of you. Senses are focused, and the mind is alert.
I would say that this is a high level of awareness. Someone who does not have the skill to hold a stable and complete awareness may start expressing their coping mechanisms. These mechanisms are not bad in nature, but if left without loving and complete awareness, they can leave a person feeling unheard, angry, drained, and unstable. Be aware of when you are engaging in coping mechanisms and you will feel better for it.
An exercise I would recommend to experience a clear form of complete awareness is to get a hold of a plant. It may be a house plant, it may be a leaf from a tree, or it may be a flower. (Please don't pick flowers or leaves! They are alive and don't want to be damaged!). Hold this plant in front of your face so that it is the central focus of your attention. Now. Breath in deeply. Allow your lungs to full to a point where it doesn't hurt, but where you can feel tension around your lungs. And release the breath. Let the air flow out of you as quickly or as slowly as feels right for you. Finally, look at this living thing that is in front of you. Look at the color of certain parts of it. Admire the strength and form of it. Spin it, and see it move. All the while, be aware of your breathing. Do this for three minutes, and return to this post with this experience fresh in your mind.
How did it feel? When was it difficult to focus? When was it easy to focus? How did you feel before and after the exercise? You may have had moments of extreme stability within your awareness where time seemed to have stopped and all was still. This is where the mind can be clear and where you are able to be fully present and aware of the present moment. In this place, you are free to move your awareness wherever you desire it to go.
This is where things get tricky. If I am partially aware, my actions are partially free. See what I did there? I may feel free. I may have freedom to move my awareness around, I may even feel happy, but I am trapped within a structure of coping mechanisms that I haven't given my awareness to. This is a hard place to break away from. When a person is partially aware, they can easy be influenced and taken control of. Addiction, obsession, and insanity begin to settle in. If a person is not in a safe space or a safe community, unhealthy habits and belief systems can take control of a person's life, all without the person being aware of it.
I, without a doubt, am a slave to many of my habits and addictions. Through acknowledging this, I begin the process of becoming aware of my coping mechanisms and begin to set myself free.
I believe that most people in western society have fallen into a happy and harmful form of partial awareness. You may be subject to this. Don't be afraid. You are alive and you can begin the process of setting yourself free. Join a community of people who are willing to discuss and learn from each other. Question yourself with loving curiosity and ask others to do the same. Instead of finding a girlfriend or a boyfriend, realize that a partner can be someone you can trust to help you on this process called life. Take time to just be with yourself and your coping mechanisms. It won't all change overnight, but you will start to see that you'll get bored of coping mechanisms since there is nothing more to run away from. You'll feel loved.
Fear of the Unknown
A long time ago, I heard a quote that went something like this:
"If the imagination isn't used on creating ideas that make you free, it will begin to create ideas that will trap you."
This really stuck with me. If I don't use the energy of my mind to help me, it will hurt me. Like uneaten fruits on the dinner table, unspent creative energy will mold and stagnate and invite flies into your home. Your mind. This is where fear begins a process to alert you that something needs your awareness. Alarm bells are going off in your head saying SOMETHING IS STAGNATING! And what you need to do is begin to step into a place of complete awareness. Take a step back. Breath. And watch what is going on.
To finish this off, I would like to share a recent experience. Yesterday, I attended a storytelling and talk on Death and Dying. It was cathartic. I felt numb from my emotions. I had difficulty listening to the speaker and to the other people who were sharing their experiences. I didn't know that something was wrong and so for the duration of the talk, I shrugged off my worries and sat in numb bitterness.
After the talk, I walked into the backyard and sat down. I needed air. I needed space. It turns out what I really needed was to cry. I cried with anger and fire in my throat, and I began to question why I felt this way. I didn't think anything was wrong, so why was I crying? After a little over a minute of sitting with it, I remembered something that I suppressed: a trauma that I am now working through—something rotten that I wasn't aware of before that moment.
And so, my journey of healing began.
© 2017 Levi Schiopu