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The Magic Paradox of Winning With Surrender and Love


Val is a life-long practically oriented student of effective emotional and attitudinal responses to the many challenges of life.



Right up front am I predicting that to the most of those who may read this post it will be unthinkable to win by surrender and love over a crappy emotionality. But that's what makes a true warrior different from one fighting only to keep creating new reasons for fighting, while never really winning.

Why else is it that the most of those who have attained money, fame, and power -- instead of enjoying their status -- end up miserable and basically lonely, albeit surrounded by lot of friendly and respectfully acting people?

From a multibillionaire who said how "it's never enough", to a politician who can't sleep at night after having created enemies, because only by being in a conflict does he feel "in his true element".

Many of those apparent powerhouses are surviving on prescription drugs with poor health and chronically stressed out from self-imposed demands of a life style with exhausting games they got themselves into. We, of lower income bracket foolishly admire them as some "social icons" and unreachable ideals.

Just look at the ending of one Elvis Presley, a "king" beloved by millions; or a predictable ending of one Donald Trump, and you'll get a clear hint of what I am talking about. There is no peace, no true love, no happiness, and no time to enjoy their amassed possessions.

It's something that I call "life spent on bicycle", as in their minds they have to keep pedaling not to tip over, chasing a mirage in the desert that their life has become.

Which brings us to our theme of winning in life by surrender and love paradox, and the magic it produces, at times almost instantly. By getting into the very texture of what surrender and love present on the battlefield of inner forces, we are about to see how a new definition of victory emerges out of there without any conflict.

That can give us an opportunity to reexamine our own life with a possible realization how we have been spending our life winning in some small battles -- but never really winning the war.

And that just because a part of us never really intended to attain peace.


Ego, the Big Spoiler

Most of us live this life as if following the definition of it that reads: "Life is eternal struggle against lack, sickness and death".

It means that we are wasting our energies on avoiding what we don't want -- rather than being focused on what we do want. Even our politicians, doctors, and nutritionists -- those three authorities in matters close to our survival -- keep brainwashing us with warnings about one or another type of threat to our life.

Along with our primary caretakers in childhood who prepared us for life by accentuating what might go wrong in life, instead of what might go right in life. They all taught us when to feel good, and when to feel crappy, of course, other than in situations of experiencing physical pain when we have no choice.

In other words, they built our ego, which is nothing but an acquired arsenal with a bunch of strategies for our psycho-physical survival.

Please note that the basic nature of our ego is to be comprised of conflicts, which in the software of our survival instinct go something like algorithms reading:

In case of this or that...we have to fight back like this, or like that...

Ego is in a constant state of readiness, and life provides enough of false alarms to make that ego work 24/7. Over a time of being overused, ego may become so trigger-happy that it starts interpreting those harmless situations and innocent people as threatening.

Remember, all that irrational nonsense is happening unconsciously -- that's why our emoting is spontaneous, without our apparent having any say in their choice.

In other words, conflict is the main game being played on our unconscious level of emotionality -- while some over 90% of all mental activities are unconscious. Thus, it's our ego that makes us think those over 80% of all daily thoughts being negative, like psychologists are mentioning.

One huge paradox in ego is that, while it "formally" seeks solutions, as to trick the soul (consciousness) -- it actually keeps inventing obstacles to those end results.

Doesn't it remind you of the American political reality, where a constant struggle is "formally" striving towards ideals of prosperity, peace, and national happiness -- whereas everything is being done to thwart those results. Yes, it has turned into a national ego which is perpetuating conflicts solely for conflicts sake.

Their collective ego made them believe that fighting spirit has something to do with patriotism -- while being totally blind to the fact how fighting makes the nation weak, confused, and disoriented about a true expression of loving one's country where harmony and cooperation rule.

On an intimate, personal level, we are doing exactly the same -- we mess ourselves enough as to be in a need of a fix, so we look for another partner in life, another job, another doctor, another nutritionist, diet, supplement...a never ending process of chasing our tails.

We allow our ego to run the show of our life.


Loving Ego's Ugliness Until It Turns Into Beauty

So, how do you go about defeating that inner demon, that ego without a fight? For, no matter what we may do "against" our emotional status quo, it apparently has to mean just another aspect of struggle being added to the one already going on within ego.

And that's where we come to that part of the story which may be hard to understand, and even harder to be implemented.

Namely, we have to start loving any lousy emotion that may spontaneously well up from the depths of our psyche. Yes, we win by loving, by surrendering to the louse of our emoting.

But right here we have to differ between embracing an emotion and wallowing in it.

By embracing it I mean an active mental motion, whereas wallowing means a passive tolerance. That makes the whole difference, because we are not to become some suffering martyrs taking with a smile all bruises from life.

Beating ego is about rechanneling of its energies into an expression of joy. It's like a sort of mental judo, where we don't use our own strength, but redirect the strength of the opponent to make him kiss the floor.

If you do that embracing properly, right from the start you may experience the little taste of victory. Think about it. When you love and surrender, you are sending signals to your whole nervous and endocrine system that you are not scared of living, that you don't feel threatened -- which makes those systems requalify energies of defensive position for a harmonious inner reality, spelling joy of life.

Again, surrendering is not the same as becoming submissive, you can still disagree, you can still reject others' manipulative advances, but you do it with love, by having fun, by enjoying life as an ever testing adventure. Just see how victorious you feel when you suddenly make that inner move of loving a crappy feeling, relaxing it away with love -- and then comparing the result with how you used to feel by being pushed around by emotions.

Now, what will your ego say about all that?

You can count on a fierce resistance. It will surely try to use any scaring tactics to get you back under its control. After all, let's face it folks -- after living in conflict for decades, it has become an unconscious definition of who we are. Loving our lousy feelings is bound to feel like a mental suicide, because the whole world of "threats" will be crushing down, with ego kicking in agony of defeat.

It will serve you thoughts of danger coming from surrender, from feeling secure in the face of an "unfriendly world" plotting against your precious ass. And that's where the backbone of your spirit, or a lack of it, will have a chance to make a whole difference.


Yes, Love Is the Ultimate Answer

In a few of my earlier posts I mentioned, or call it "bragged" if you wish, about my well trained blissfulness-at-will. Now you know the basis of that mental motion, just as being much amplified with a practice.

Look, forget the story about "bragging", I am merely showing what is humanly possible, and I certainly didn't start it with some "genes of a mental athlete", I became something like that -- even if not ready for a "Mental Olympics" -- by practicing.

Like I said it then and there, I don't feel blissful all the day long, I love feeling the full spectrum of human emotions, even those crappy ones -- but they don't bother me.

Like, I let myself feel a sort of disgust for politicians as careerists lying about their care for people -- but the intensity of that feeling is so weak that it doesn't ruin my rosy disposition. I don't know why political crap somehow reminds me of changing my kids' diapers -- which never grew into anything like a hate.

Likewise, I may feel that disgust, but then, I love the mankind, and I understand those people whose egos have that animalistic, burning need for power in the herd, just like a billionaire's ego may feel irrationally scared of scarcity, so it pushes the poor bastard to amass more and more, with that fear staying there, irrational like a skinny bulimic sufferer's belief that they are "still obese".

What's important to me is to stay out of the vibrational field of ego, or whatever is left of it. So, my morning practice of blissfulness-at-will merely keeps renewing my sensation of not fearing life -- or better yet, not fearing my emotional reactions to it.

I have written a few articles with a message suggesting that we stay mentally detached from this current pandemic, because its overly propagated danger is lowering our immune ability to handle any intruding pathogen.

The same formula of loving and surrender applies -- while we don't keep mentally fighting in a "readiness for the worst", because fight produces adrenaline and cortisol, two powerful hormones which lower our immunity.

This is another perfect example of futility of fight, where a loving surrender makes us, paradoxically, by far more ready for anything than our ego's parading with its chronic alarming bells could ever achieve.

You get an incredible control by using minimum control. In my personal self-conduct, I like seeing it as taking the shortest route from point A to point B, with minimum of nervous expenditure. So, how much time one needs to get from crappy emotionality to a pure joy of life? Depends on how much of detouring their ego may be imposing between A and B.

Loving my emotions unconditionally does it for me. The less inner friction -- the closer one gets to feeling bliss.

Which brings us to the end of this post, while I hope that some of you enjoyed reading it -- who knows, maybe even got inspired a little. And who knows, maybe someone will even say it, if only to prove that comments are not based on reciprocity - ever since I'm not really championing at that, LOL.

© 2021 Val Karas


Val Karas (author) from Canada on April 11, 2021:

Devika -- Love is what we make of it, while all of us being different with a different capacity for loving. We seem to talk about the "same" thing, but in one person love could reach divine heights whereas in another it could be limited to physical expression of it.

And it's okay that way, as long as all of us use loving to quiet down our ego, which is all about creating conflicts, hate, enemies, racism, and crazy paranoia.

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on April 11, 2021:

You got me thinking about that love thing and life is just that. Love is an act of kindness.

Val Karas (author) from Canada on April 10, 2021:

Ravi - Maybe some day people will start loving more when they get tired of hating. Some will call it a "miracle" when it happens -- but it's about time we start having some miracles, not only read about them.

Ravi Rajan from Mumbai on April 10, 2021:

Very thought provoking article Val.As you have rightly mentioned love is the ultimate answer and once we surrender to it, the world would become a much more better place to live. Thanks for sharing.

Val Karas (author) from Canada on April 10, 2021:

Manatita44 -- I am happy to see that you found me funny, my spiritual friend. I only had few modest successes in life, and one of them is that I have made more people laugh than I made them cry. All the best, and stay as deep as you are.

manatita44 from london on April 10, 2021:


You're funny. There are so many beautiful flowers in a garden! I won't ever tell you how to play your part. This whole field is dancing and your contribution would be valued by many. Much Love.

Val Karas (author) from Canada on April 10, 2021:

Brenda -- We are all different. I am practically computer-illiterate, and I learned to drive when I was 36, and there are other things where I would look pathetically funny if I tried to do them. Well, I can produce bliss-at-will, I can fall asleep in 3 minutes by laying down on a hard floor with noise around me, I never had a headache in my life, and I can generally laugh at things that make others go crazy.

Like I say, we are all different, my dear friend. I understand what you are saying. And then, we are all following our own bliss as best we can. Keep following yours, you deserve it.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on April 10, 2021:


I admire the way you handle life.

For me, sometimes it's hard to channel my happy energy when faced with an emotional sadness.

I want to stay blissful, but at times I just can't.

Although eventually I do get back that energy.

I kinda live life as an easy going person, but others don't.

Those conflicts are confusing. I try to enjoy each moment.

I'd hate for life to bog me down where my happiness was left on the back burner.

Great write.

Val Karas (author) from Canada on April 10, 2021:

Peggy -- How right you are, my friend! Yes, it's all about balancing, while learning is a never ending process.

Val Karas (author) from Canada on April 10, 2021:

Treshty -- Thank you for the nice comment, my friend, it could be used within my article. Blessings to you and your family as well, and keep loving!

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on April 10, 2021:

Life is a balancing act, and some do it better than others. We learn from all types of sources as we grow and develop. Reaching out to others and helping them with sharing and caring benefits us as much as them. Learning continues throughout our lifetime. The Golden Rule pretty much sums up an ideal way to live and love.

Val Karas (author) from Canada on April 10, 2021:

Manatita44 -- You are quite prolific yourself, my friend, or should I say -- much more than I could ever become with my modest contributions. While we are at contributions, my way of looking at it may be much more "earthly", since I like seeing something like a "universal principle of variety", starting with over 100 different elements composing the material reality. Then it gets mimicked by a variety of human "elements", all contributing in the universal scheme of earthly events in their own way, just like those chemical elements do.

I've done my modest share of studious approaches to matters of "human condition" and love -- from scientific to religious end of the spectrum, have meditated for decades, and cultivated self discipline.

All that hasn't made me qualified to feel called upon to preach about love, because love is an experience, not a theme, and I can't claim that my way of loving is the same as yours, so I can't tell you how to do that loving. What I can do is only suggest that people use their own capacity for loving within their own human complexity.

Also, the way I see it, people have their own concept of God, and humans can only mentally operate on concepts, not on an ultimate truth which would be communicable. To me, God is an unfathomable principle of creation, and my brain is not wired to grasp its realm, I can only conceptualize about it on basis of my existing intellectual reach. Like, you know, there are people who actually see God as a bearded dude hanging around the clouds and looking tough. Which makes the matter of God a matter of believing, not knowing. Simple proof being that in every religion 2+2=4, which means knowing, whereas every religion has their own "interpretation" of God. To some God suggests loving -- to others, God suggests suicide bombing.

Well, thousand apologies my friend, here I got myself carried away with all this. A little more and I could have made a hub out of my philosophizing.

At this point, allow me to express my genuine admiration for your mission on earth, to spread the word of love, to inspire people to open their hearts and souls and to allow God to guide them. You are a fine human being, my friend. I'm glad that we are both born in the same year of 1944, so maybe it's true what they say about quality of wine as related to the year the gapes were picked: "It was a very good year", lol. Peace.

Chrish Canosa from Manila Philippines on April 10, 2021:

Awesome refreshing candor sir. Its like a slapped in the face.

Fame and money isn't the kind of miracle we seek for life, [it is a huge misperception] for it only destroy us even worse. Love, is an act of being more humanly. That's how it should be... Great message in this article. Blessings to you and your family and also I'm spreading lots of love [wink]

Val Karas (author) from Canada on April 10, 2021:

Vanita -- Thank you for your kind words of praise, I am happy that you liked the article. Enjoy your weekend as well, my dear far friend.

manatita44 from london on April 10, 2021:

Well, you are certainly becoming prolific and yes, you paint the human condition excellently! The fact is that we remain 'humans', those dignitaries and luminaries; policemen and nurses ... todos. So yes, we all cry in our closet. The soul is separated from God, loosely speaking, and Love cannot be bought at the counter.

These guys most probably new that, but some made a huge contribution to mankind, even Presley, with all his human foibles. Michael Jackson, too. Yes, Elizabeth Taylor and a few more names, who perhaps recognised King Solomon's:- "Vanity of vanity, all is vanity."

Yet the way of Yoga for the seeker, is not to dwell on these foibles. My insides ... my mirror, is so dirty!! I'm trying to clean up its mess. I feel, rightly or wrongly, that only then will I see the beauty of God's universe.

Still, we are all God's and each will have a unique way of contributing. I know this secret. Peace!

Vanita Thakkar on April 10, 2021:

This is a very nice article, Val. Truly enjoyed it. I agree with you. The message is something like - “Don’t react. Just be. Be at peace with yourself and with everyone around ....”

Have a great weekend, dear friend.

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