The Three Most Important Lessons I Have Learned in My Life

Life's Most Important Lessons: A Personal Essay

In life, you are constantly learning lessons. You learn during your time in school, at work, from your parents, from your friends, and especially from yourself. Sometimes, you even learn lessons from essays, speeches, and articles online (like this one!).

After decades of experience on this Earth, working in several careers, and navigating the daunting territory of single-fatherhood, I have decided upon three lessons that I have found most important.

Lesson One: Face Your Fears

One of the most important lessons that I have learned in life is to "face your fears." Fears can hold us back from experiencing everything that life has to offer. When we give into fear, we limit ourselves. We think we can do only this—go only that far—but no more.

My fear was a fear of failure. I was so afraid that I would fail that I failed to take action. This was a self-fulfilling cycle that kept me from achieving goals that I had in my business and personal life. I was so paralyzed by fear that I did nothing. I would get excited to do something, and get ready to do it—and then the fear would take over, and I would quit.

How did I overcome this fear? Phil Keogan, host of the popular TV show "The Amazing Race," states in his book, No Opportunity Wasted, that "to attack this fear you must first ask yourself a simple question: how do I define success and failure?"

When we define our goals in absolute terms, all-or-nothing, winner-takes-all, it can be overwhelming. I had a fear of failure in launching an online business. My goal was to make $10,000 a month—that is an unrealistic goal for someone just starting out.

I redefined success as being able to generate $300 a month. This was an attainable goal. Once I hit this goal, I aimed higher. The great thing was I was no longer afraid to try. By defining success in realistic terms, I was able to take that first step. The saying is true, the first step is the hardest!

By facing my fear of failure through redefining success, I was able to grow in my personal life. This growth has enabled me to overcome my fear of spiders, and I am working on my fear of heights. Will I go sky-diving this summer? No, I am defining success over my fear of heights as climbing my ladder and cleaning my gutters. I can do it! Then perhaps I will work up to skydiving!

Lesson Two: Treat Other People as You Want to Be Treated

The second most important life lesson that I learned is to treat people like you want to be treated. This is the "Golden Rule." It is a Biblical principle to "Love your neighbor as yourself."

I wish I could say that I have always followed this principle, but I haven't. I was a "me" person - What's in it for me? What can you do for me? I didn't mean to be; I just was.

I'm not sure when I changed, but I know that I did. I no longer get impatient with people. I help where I can. I smile at people. I like people so much more now, and you know what? They seem to like me more too.

This principle applies in business too. I enjoy reading the works of Ken Evoy. He stresses a principle that comes from the movie "Pay It Forward" (which is a great movie starring Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt). Basically, it is that if someone has helped you out, return the favor and help someone else out. Do to others as you would want them to do to you.

When I was starting my online business career, money was tight. I couldn't afford some of the books and products that I needed to get my career started. Ken did something tremendous. He gave his knowledge away for free! I was able to download his best-selling ebook, "Make Your Site Sell," for free! This one act of kindness on his part helped to launch my online career. I would like to "pay it forward" to you.

Recommended

How to Let Go of Past Mistakes and Move on With Your Life

Treating other people like you want to be treated will change your whole outlook on life. You will enjoy it more and have less stress. It is a lesson worth learning at any age.

Lesson Three: Take Chances

I remember seeing my future wife for the first time. She was beautiful! She was funny and intelligent, with a smile that made me melt. I enjoyed every moment with her, and she was all I thought about. After a period of dating, the thought of marriage started to cross my mind. I loved her, but I had just come through a bitter divorce and didn't want to risk being hurt again.

I'm glad that I took the chance and asked her to marry me. Fourteen years and two wonderful daughters later, I am a blessed man for taking the chance.

There is a program that my young daughters watch called "iCarly." The theme song has a lyric that rings so true: "There's no chance unless you take one." I like that because it is true in life and in business. You have no chance of succeeding, no chance of reaching your goals, and being all you can be unless you take a chance and take action.

I took a chance when I started working online. I was living paycheck to paycheck and was ready to make a change. I had read all about starting a business online and was ready to go. I had saved a few dollars to buy a website, which contained everything I needed to get started. I knew I wanted to do it, but the little voice in my ear told me that I should use the money to pay some bills, take my wife on a much-deserved and needed date, and that this business was a gamble and I could be wasting much-needed money.

Well, I took the chance, and I have never looked back. I'm on my way to living my dream of working from home part-time while earning a full-time income. I could never have reached this level of success if I hadn't taken a chance. Indeed, "There's no chance (of success) unless you take one (a chance)."

Lesson Learned!

By facing my fears, I avoided wasting great opportunities. By treating people with kindness, I strengthened my relationships and became less stressed. And finally, by taking chances, I got married, kick-started my career, and turned into an even happier man.

These three lessons changed my outlook on life—and they can change yours, too. Do you have any lessons that altered your perspective? Share them in the comments!

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

Comments

Rayzhaan on July 27, 2018:

Outstanding work

Interesting on July 26, 2018:

Interesting

Cute cat on March 04, 2018:

Thks for sharing

BookStown on September 01, 2015:

Fantastic blog. keep it up!

Reerisorceshy on March 06, 2013:

My partner and i helpful to get on top of lifestyle but recently We've accumulated some sort of opposition.

shmaila on April 11, 2012:

i like it

Mahfuzur Nahin on December 12, 2011:

I write that comment because the lesson is important and it helped me a lot than i thought

radu1 on November 24, 2010:

what if you treat people as you want to be treated, and they still treat you like crap anyway??? is it ok to punch them in the face then?

Peter Elumopgo on October 27, 2010:

Thanks. I love that article.

Eiddwen from Wales on September 06, 2010:

Well written and so true we do need to face our fears before we can live a full life!

Pamela Lipscomb from Charlotte, North Carolina on June 01, 2010:

I just signed up wit SiteBuildIt last wee, but have been afraid to get started - I feel overwhelmed. How are you doing with it?

copster on April 25, 2010:

Just like the third lesson, you gotta risk it to get the biscuit ! I found this very inspiring. Thanks

Dayenne on March 29, 2010:

I loved the first and third lesson. Indeed fear paralyzes you and you then fail to take action or chances! I struggle a lot with fear and feel paralyzed a lot of times. Sometimes it is very hard to overcome, and it's funny to see how the human body can be controlled by an emotion. In order to be a winner, one has to look courageously right in the face of fear!

scheng1 on February 20, 2010:

I love the first point about facing your fear. I have a fear of falling, and due to this fear, I had sustained a few injuries on hiking trips. However, the injuries were just superficial. The actual fall was not as frightening as my fear of falling.

Bush on September 29, 2009:

The root of racism is fear.

The root of hatred is being scared to hell.

The thought process behind treating Canadians/Europeans differently from Mexicans/Asians in matters of visa is anxiety.

The point is, A thief is always feels afraid after the loot.

Bush on September 29, 2009:

"Face your fear", yaa right, go and tell that to my brother President Bush who has maimed and killed about a million citizens out of fear and spreading fear in America, in the process poisoned the entire society with hatred and acrimonious revival of racism.

miley on August 01, 2009:

it's very nice i actually needed it 4 my holiday homework thank u very much 4 posting this

max on February 23, 2009:

how to living with fear? if you can, you will pass it..

blah on November 28, 2008:

you guys are all pathetic

kits on October 24, 2008:

thanks for sharing...How I wish I can face my fear like you do...

Smiling Cat (author) from Deerfield Beach, Florida on May 30, 2008:

Julie,

Thanks for the encouragement!

Julie A. Johnson from Duluth, MN on May 30, 2008:

Smilingcat,

Thanks for becoming my fan, and I enjoyed reading this inspiring hub. These lessons are very critical to achieving success as well as happiness. Thank you.

Julie

Smiling Cat (author) from Deerfield Beach, Florida on May 15, 2008:

Thanks oohdragon....as for being to scared to choose, see my overcoming fear hub and watch the video...then "just stop it!" lol

oohdragon on May 15, 2008:

very very good although i have so many...which one to choose. i'm too scared to choose...lol

516Ads from Long Island on May 10, 2008:

Smiling Cat, you make people smile and spread wisdom simaltaneously. Not an easy task. Face your fears, take chances, treat others how you'd like to be treated ... got it, love it ... look forward to reading more. - David

Agro Donkey from Ohio on May 09, 2008:

This was a very well written hub. I liked it a lot. Although I'm not going out and finding any spiders to play with and never will. I do agree with facing your fears.

shailini from Bangalore, India on May 09, 2008:

very inspiring..I especially like the "Face the fears" one. And, I have noticed that our fears turn up again and again until we overcome it. Thumbs up