Rebecca is a leadership coach helping women develop their leadership skills through purpose, passion, and relentless acts of self-love.
Your Purpose Is Bigger Than You Think
My father passed away recently. After he died, in her grief, my mother said, "I don't have a purpose anymore!"
This struck a chord in me.
I'd already been working with women on helping them find their purpose in life, but when my mother said these words, it drove the message home: Too many women have tied their worth, their value, and their purpose to their families.
Then what happens when the children grow up and move away, or the spouse passes on?
You're bombarded by messages every day that tell women our purpose lies in one (or a combination) of three things: being a wife, being a mother, or owning a business.
You then wrap your value into your success in performing one of these functions.
Your purpose, and your power, are far greater than being a wife, a mother, or a career woman. You were born to make an impact that will change your community.
Were You Born to Be a Wife, Mother, or Career Woman?
Girls are expected to be certain things from the time they can talk. They're given dolls to nurture, pretty clothes to dress up in, and taught how to speak politely, stay clean, and perform domestic duties.
Every single one of these is designed to raise girls to become better (submissive) wives and excellent mothers.
In the society in which you grew up, you were born to be a wife and mother.
Some girls, on the other hand, are driven by academic and then professional success. Raised to earn excellent grades and perform well in sports and other activities, these girls are driven by career and financial success.
They may not want children, may choose not to get married, but find themselves lacking passion for their job and feeling empty when they come home.
And then the culture of society tells them, "This is why you should get married and have children, so you can be fulfilled!
But what happens, then, when the children grow up and move away, or when the marriage bed becomes cold?
How Culture Subverts Women's Access to Their Power
Culture subverts a woman's access to her power in the following ways:
- By conditioning girls to believe their purpose is to bear and raise children. Girls are taught nurturing skills through play from an early age. Toys such as dolls and toy kitchens promote these skills in girls.
- By conditioning girls to believe they must be "pretty" to be valid. Girls emulate what they see in magazines and on television. This often teaches girls that they must be "pretty" in order to attract a husband.
- By creating such a mental load that women can't move beyond their daily chores. The mental load is overwhelming for many women and may not leave space for pursuing passions and purpose.
When it boils down to it, culture subverts women's access to power by keeping them locked into a singular role that is given to them by society and not determined by her, herself.
Whether you're locked into the role of wife or mother, or you're locked into a role at work, your "container" will prevent you from pursuing your true and unique purpose because you literally do not have time to consider your passions and, therefore, your unique purpose and capacity to make an impact.
What if Being a Wife, Mother, or Career Woman Makes Me Happy?
Good. I want whatever you choose to do with your life to make you happy.
There is no rule saying that you can't love your children and care for them and your spouse or that you can't have a fulfilling career while also pursuing your life's purpose as a woman. In fact, there's no rule saying these things can't be your "only" purpose. I would only encourage you to consider thinking beyond them.
Here's a truth you won't hear often: Your #1 purpose in life is to be happy. Everything else you do comes down to that one thing. You're here to become happy.
Being a wife and mother should make you happy. If it doesn't make you happy, you should avoid it. Being a career woman should make you happy. If it doesn't make you happy, you should change it.
I don't want you to stop doing what makes you happy. In fact, I want the opposite for you.
What Is the Difference Between Impact, Purpose, and Career?
How you earn money to take care of yourself and your family.
How you experience fulfillment of your own higher needs.
How you change the world for the people with whom you share it.
Often takes place on a set schedule and takes time to build.
How your passions and your values interact with one another.
How others change as a result of their interactions with you.
Incorporates job skills, pay schedule, and upward mobility.
What makes you uniquely "you" in your community or culture.
What most people truly desire to get out of life.
Guided by others through educational systems.
How you evolve throughout your life to develop yourself personally.
Impact can relate to your family or your community.
Your Business Is Not Your Purpose: Your Impact Is
Many women in entrepreneurial circles feel they don't need help accessing their life purpose because they believe they've found it in their business.
It is great that these women feel so fulfilled in their careers, and if that's you, I'm happy for you!
You need to realize, however, that building a business or being strong in your career isn't the purpose of having the career. Career success is often ultimately empty because of the ways in which we measure it:
- By the amount of money you've earned
- By the number of sales you've made
- By the number of people you've served
The real purpose in your business, however (whatever it is!), is the impact that you make on the people you serve. Because this is more difficult to measure, we often fail to include it in our criteria of success.
Your purpose in your career is determined by the amount of impact you can make in your career, which is why it's so important to understand your higher purpose.
For example, your career may be focused on helping people get out of debt. Your impact, then, is the lives changed by financial freedom. Your purpose may be to create happiness in others by showing them how to live debt-free.
Alternatively, your life purpose may be to decrease homelessness in teenage populations of runaways. You don't have to be a social worker to make changes in this area; Your career may allow you to put money toward causes that reduce homelessness or toward programs that support teenagers in crisis.
Your higher purpose, then, is not "to have a fulfilling career." Your higher purpose is the impact you make in your career or which your career allows you to make.
What Is a Woman's Purpose?
Here's a hint: Your purpose in life has nothing to do with your anatomy.
Your higher purpose is 100% unique to you and is based on a combination of your passions, your talents, and your values. This is the unique formula I use in my intensives to help clients uncover their life purpose.
A woman's purpose, then, is entirely unique to her. No two women will have the same life purpose. Purpose is far greater than the container society and culture put you in as a woman, and the only one who can determine what your impact will be is yourself.
Why Is Knowing Your Purpose Important?
Knowing your unique purpose is important for four reasons.
- It will give you motivation and a sense of direction. Knowing your purpose makes life more rewarding, because you wake up with a sense of knowing where you are going. It's motivating, because your purpose becomes your "why."
- Only you can fulfill your unique life purpose. There's only one of you, and because your purpose is a combination of traits which only you possess, you are the only one who can share your particular brand of brilliance with the world.
- It promotes emotional and mental wellbeing. Knowing your life purpose will drive you to perform activities which are healthy for your emotional and mental wellbeing and which increase your productivity by making giving you a reason to do the work.
- It helps you create the life you dream of living. Living in your life purpose aligns your life so the road is smooth instead of pitted with obstacles, and you will begin to live with more intention, which leads to higher chances of manifesting.
The best part is that knowing your life purpose encourages you to do something for yourself. If you feel as though often you're doing things because you have to, knowing your purpose promotes the sense of getting to do the things that fulfill this part of your life.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
© 2021 Rebecca Rizzuti